(note: I spent way too much time trying to think up a pun on “Pachelbel’s Canon” for the title of this post. I apologize in advance.)

So anyway, last weekend, the Toronto Argonauts invited me to light the cannon that’s fired at the start of every game (and after every touchdown.) Of course I accepted! How could you not? Did I care that I had to cancel a train ticket and book a replacement flight to Halifax because we already had a complicated weekend! No, of course not.

Look, I’ll never get to light the Olympic Torch. But this is a pretty close second.

Here’s what it looked like in the stadium. Thanks to game day hosts Sean Bowen and Jess Smith for the kind words!

the rehearsal

Had to get down early for a rehearsal. Here it is: And I learned a few interesting things.

You’re not actually lighting the cannon. You’re lighting a fuse, and then a countdown starts and 15 seconds later, cannon goes BOOM.

But you’re not even lighting the fuse, either. They give you this torch -

which probably looks very dramatic from a distance, but up close, it looks kind of home-made (and I’m assured it was; the pyro guy says “everything in pyro is home made.")

And of course, you’re not really lighting anything. All the pyro is controlled by a guy standing just out of sight with an impressive array of buttons.

So … you have to sell it and convince people that you’re really lighting the cannon.

How’d I do?

Here’s a brief clip from the TSN broadcast (and a frame grab at the moment the ‘fuse’ lit.) Don’t blink or you’ll miss the lighting at the 0:10 mark.

Things I Learned

1. The thing you’re lighting is not connected to the cannon in any way at all. So you have to sell it!
2. Cannon makes a cool smoke ring.
3. Cannon is LOUD. Normally we sit way over on the other side of the stadium, and when they fire it after a touchdown, it still scares me. Unless I happen to be looking at it.
4. Cannon scared me a bit even though I was standing right there looking at it and was supposedly the person who lit it.
5. Do they ever run out of pyro? No, because they can reload it all easily during the game, including the extra fireworks mounted along the sideline. But … at TFC (soccer) games, the fireworks are mounted on top of the goal, and there are only 4 sets and they can’t be touched while the game is in progress. So if TFC ever scores more than 4 goals in a half, there’ll be a problem.

And most importantly - I think I should use that flaming torch instead of a baton when conducting the crowd in the singing of the fight song. THAT would make people pay attention.